Whatever I hate with passion

Whenever I feel vengeful and unholy ardor 

When I have that certain kind of negative emotion

that bubbles 

that spikes

and sparks aggression

There must be something to learn there

My adrenaline

blocks the flow

The insanity of my indignation can be a monster

In the moment

I may attack with abandon

And in the process

Hurt myself Badly

After that

Needing hours, days, sometimes weeks of recovery

to arrive at center again


I have to ask myself

Is it worth it?

Am I justified in my reaction?


Am I running a degenerate program of victim consciousness?

Am I stressed out?

Did I start a cycle of negativity somewhere else

and bring it here? 

How can I break the cycle?

And create anger intelligence.

I am in process

deep in the process

of transformation

and learning about myself.

I have to learn to put it down

Stop the action

invest in a period of rest

Mind rest and Meditation

A park

A parked car

A church

A bathroom

A chair


Part of the adventure of consciously creating my character

is developing a way to change the cycle of anger

to peacefulness and mindfulness

even if the mind says

not right now….later on

I remember, I am training myself now

To create a victorious cycle

out of the vicious cycle

I used before

The cycle that creates pain and inflicts pain

and leads me off the path of my mission

to improve my workability

to improve my technique 

of being a person

and peace by peace

Saving the world


There is holy anger

and I need it sometimes

to know what is truly unjust and evil in the world

but I watch myself closely

so I don’t poison myself and ruin my capacity to experience


and cultivate compassion

over and over again

There are difficult people in the world. 


But I can see

the most difficult person in the world


is me. 

If I don’t develop a skill for regulating this shadow side

at some point

I end up alone 

with this person I’ve been hiding from

and realize 

That person

is really no one I want to hang out with for the evening

or the rest of my life. 

I am learning to put the anger down

wait for a moment

develop a process

begin to love the process

Be a kamikaze for the process

Diving headlong into it

and exposing the ways in which my anger is automatic


and exploding it on the rocks of my consciousness

letting it burn hot under my scrutiny

to deliver me to a place of peace and control.

More and more and more

than before.


iRev. Alexander Polinsky

Avatarism is an inquiry into the nature of character itself. An open source game/philosophy for conscious character creation

For a Free Avatarism Character Sheet Kit go to: http://www.avatarism.net/#embody

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