Whatever I hate with passion
Whenever I feel vengeful and unholy ardor
When I have that certain kind of negative emotion
and sparks aggression
There must be something to learn there
blocks the flow
The insanity of my indignation can be a monster
In the moment
I may attack with abandon
And in the process
Hurt myself Badly
Needing hours, days, sometimes weeks of recovery
to arrive at center again
I have to ask myself
Is it worth it?
Am I justified in my reaction?
Am I running a degenerate program of victim consciousness?
Am I stressed out?
Did I start a cycle of negativity somewhere else
and bring it here?
How can I break the cycle?
And create anger intelligence.
I am in process
deep in the process
and learning about myself.
I have to learn to put it down
Stop the action
invest in a period of rest
Mind rest and Meditation
A parked car
Part of the adventure of consciously creating my character
is developing a way to change the cycle of anger
to peacefulness and mindfulness
even if the mind says
not right now….later on
I remember, I am training myself now
To create a victorious cycle
out of the vicious cycle
I used before
The cycle that creates pain and inflicts pain
and leads me off the path of my mission
to improve my workability
to improve my technique
of being a person
and peace by peace
Saving the world
There is holy anger
and I need it sometimes
to know what is truly unjust and evil in the world
but I watch myself closely
so I don’t poison myself and ruin my capacity to experience
and cultivate compassion
over and over again
There are difficult people in the world.
But I can see
the most difficult person in the world
If I don’t develop a skill for regulating this shadow side
at some point
I end up alone
with this person I’ve been hiding from
is really no one I want to hang out with for the evening
or the rest of my life.
I am learning to put the anger down
wait for a moment
develop a process
begin to love the process
Be a kamikaze for the process
Diving headlong into it
and exposing the ways in which my anger is automatic
and exploding it on the rocks of my consciousness
letting it burn hot under my scrutiny
to deliver me to a place of peace and control.
More and more and more
iRev. Alexander Polinsky
Avatarism is an inquiry into the nature of character itself. An open source game/philosophy for conscious character creation
For a Free Avatarism Character Sheet Kit go to: http://www.avatarism.net/#embody
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